Models of Grief Part 2: Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning

The next model we’ll explore comes from grief theorist J. William Worden, whose Four Tasks of Mourning offer a more active approach to understanding the grieving process. Unlike Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s model, which describes emotional experiences that may arise during grief, Worden’s framework is prescriptive, it outlines specific tasks that individuals must gradually work through as they adapt to life after loss.

It’s important to note that Worden’s model doesn’t suggest a rigid order or a specific finish line. These tasks often overlap, recur, and unfold in their own time. Many people revisit them months or even years later, especially during anniversaries, life transitions, or moments of deep reflection.

Let’s take a closer look at each of Worden’s four tasks.

1. Accept the Reality of the Loss

This first task may sound simple, but in reality it’s incredibly complex and layered. Accepting the loss involves moving from an intellectual understanding (“I know they’re gone”) to a full emotional acknowledgment (“I feel and live the reality that they are gone”).

For those who have experienced a traumatic or sudden loss, this process can be prolonged by shock or dissociation. The mind often protects itself by allowing the truth to settle in gradually. 

Therapeutically, this task requires gentle pacing and support. Acceptance doesn’t happen all at once, and it doesn’t mean “being okay with” the loss—it simply means acknowledging its reality on multiple levels: cognitive, emotional, and practical.

2. Work Through the Pain of Grief

It may sound straightforward—feel the pain—but in practice, it can be one of the hardest things a person ever does.

In modern Western culture, many people are socialized to avoid pain or “stay strong,” which can make this task especially challenging. Working through grief involves allowing space for the full spectrum of emotion: sadness, anger, guilt, longing, confusion, even relief. There’s no right or wrong way to feel, only the process of allowing those emotions to be experienced rather than suppressed.

Therapy, support groups, rituals, and compassionate community can all serve as containers that help people stay connected to themselves while navigating this emotional landscape. As Worden and many grief clinicians emphasize, this task is not about “getting over it,” but about making room for the pain in a way that eventually allows for healing and integration.

3. Adjust to a World in Which the Deceased Is Missing

This task has both external and internal dimensions.

Externally, it may involve taking on new responsibilities or roles that the deceased once held. For example, a parent may find themselves managing both emotional and logistical tasks that were previously shared with a partner. Children may step into caretaker roles, or families may need to restructure routines and traditions.

Internally, the adjustment can be even more profound. People often find themselves questioning their sense of identity, worldview, or faith in the aftermath of loss. Someone might wonder who they are without their spouse, or how their beliefs fit into a world where such loss is possible. These adjustments take time and often unfold slowly as individuals learn to inhabit a changed reality.

Therapeutic support at this stage focuses on helping clients explore these shifts and rebuild a sense of competence and meaning in their lives.

4. Find an Enduring Connection with the Deceased While Embarking on a New Life

The fourth task reflects a modern, compassionate understanding of grief—one that allows continued emotional connection with the person who has died.

Rather than “letting go,” Worden emphasizes the importance of finding a way to maintain a meaningful, internal relationship with the deceased while also re-engaging with life. This might look like holding memories close, carrying forward a shared value or tradition, speaking to them in prayer, or simply feeling their presence as part of one’s ongoing story.

This task represents integration—the point at which grief becomes a part of who we are, rather than an experience that dominates our lives. The loss remains real, but so does the love. Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving the person behind; it means allowing their memory to accompany you in a new way.

Worden’s model offers a gentle, actionable framework for those navigating loss. While it invites active engagement with grief, it also honors the fact that mourning is not something we complete, it’s something we live through and grow with. Over time, returning to these tasks can deepen understanding, resilience, and the capacity to live meaningfully after loss.