Models of Grief: Part 1 Kubler-Ross

Grief is one of the most universal yet deeply personal experiences we encounter. While there is no single “right” way to grieve, therapists and grief scholars have developed various models to help make sense of the emotional and psychological processes that often accompany loss. In this post, we’ll briefly cover a few of the major grief models that therapists use and the ways different grief workers think about healing after loss.

This series is by no means an exhaustive list, but rather an overview meant to spark curiosity. If one of these models resonates with you, you may wish to explore it more deeply. Some of these ideas might offer insight into what you’re currently experiencing on your own journey through grief. Or, if you’re working with a therapist, this may offer a glimpse into what they might be holding in mind as they accompany you through your healing process. In part one we will be reviewing Kubler-Ross’s Stages of Grief Model.

The Kübler-Ross Model

One of the most well-known—and often misunderstood—frameworks for understanding grief comes from psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Her model, introduced in her groundbreaking 1969 book On Death and Dying, outlined what became known as the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Kübler-Ross’s work was revolutionary in its time. She gave language to emotions that had previously been kept private and, in doing so, opened up cultural conversations about death and dying. Her model quickly entered popular culture and is now widely recognized—even by people with no formal background in psychology. However, that familiarity has also led to several misunderstandings about what her work originally meant.

Let’s clear up a few of those misconceptions before diving into the model itself.

First, Kübler-Ross’s research focused specifically on terminally ill patients who were coming to terms with their own mortality—not on people grieving the death of others. Later practitioners and writers adapted her model to describe broader experiences of loss, but that was not her initial intention.

Second, despite the familiar phrasing of “five stages,” Kübler-Ross never meant to imply that grief follows a linear or orderly sequence. People do not move neatly from denial to anger to bargaining and so on. Instead, the stages represent different emotional experiences that can appear in any order, recur over time, or even coexist. Someone might feel anger and depression simultaneously, or cycle between bargaining and acceptance in a single day.

Finally, it’s important to remember that the stages were meant to be descriptive, not prescriptive. Kübler-Ross observed patterns among patients and categorized the emotions they experienced as they faced death. She was not suggesting that everyone should go through each stage, or that grief is something to complete or “graduate” from. Rather, her framework was an attempt to name and normalize the range of emotions that naturally arise when we confront loss.

With those clarifications in mind, here are Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief:

Denial – Shock or disbelief that the loss is real.

Anger – Frustration, resentment, or a sense of unfairness about what has happened.

Bargaining – Attempts to make deals or “undo” the loss through “if only” thinking.

Depression – Deep sadness and withdrawal as the reality of the loss settles in.

Acceptance – Acknowledgment of the loss and the beginning of integration into life moving forward.

It’s crucial to remember that acceptance does not mean “being okay” with the loss. Instead, it reflects a gradual process of making peace with reality, finding meaning, and continuing life in a way that honors what was lost.

Kübler-Ross’s work remains foundational in the field of grief and bereavement, not because it provides a step-by-step map, but because it opened space for people to talk openly about loss and the complex emotions it brings. For many therapists, her model serves as a compassionate starting point—a reminder that grief is not something to fix or rush through, but a natural, multifaceted process that unfolds uniquely for each person.