Grief Models Part 4: The Dual Process Model
The Dual Process Model of Grief: Why Healing Isn’t Linear
Grief is often described as a journey—yet many people still expect it to look like a straight line from heartbreak to healing. In reality, grief is far more complex, unpredictable, and human than any neat set of stages can fully capture.
This is exactly what psychologists Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut argued in their influential 1999 paper introducing the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement. Their work emerged as a direct critique of popular grief theories of the time, most notably models that emphasized the need to “work through” grief in a continuous, emotionally intensive way.
Challenging Old Ideas About Grief
Before the Dual Process Model, dominant grief theories tended to view avoidance, denial, or distraction as barriers to healing. The assumption was that healthy grieving required constant confrontation of painful emotions—that only through facing grief head-on could a person truly move forward.
Stroebe and Schut challenged this. They proposed something that intuitively makes sense to most people who have experienced loss:
We can’t carry the full weight of grief all at once. We need breaks.
According to the Dual Process Model, temporarily stepping away from the pain of grief isn’t a sign of repression or avoidance—it’s a healthy and essential part of coping. Much like how we heal physically in stages, emotional healing also requires pacing. Grieving takes time not only because love is deep, but because the nervous system can only process so much at once.
This model doesn’t suggest holding off grief indefinitely or numbing permanently. Instead, it recognizes that people naturally move in and out of their grief, allowing space for both sorrow and restoration.
The Two Sides of Grieving: Loss and Restoration
At the heart of the Dual Process Model are two types of coping experiences:
1. Loss-Oriented Coping
This refers to the emotional processing of the loss itself—turning toward the grief rather than away from it. Loss-oriented experiences may include:
Feeling and expressing sadness or longing
Reminiscing and telling stories about the person who died
Visiting meaningful places or objects
Engaging in grief rituals, anniversaries, or memorials
Crying, journaling, or talking with others about the loss
This is the “leaning in” part of grief—the times when we allow ourselves to feel the full emotional impact of what has changed.
2. Restoration-Oriented Coping
Restoration is about adapting to life in the absence of the person who died. These are the tasks and experiences that help build a new “normal” over time, including:
Taking on new responsibilities the person once handled
Creating new routines, roles, or daily structures
Reconnecting with community or trying new activities
Exploring new sources of meaning, identity, or joy
Restoration can be deeply practical or deeply emotional. Sometimes it looks like joining a new group or taking up a hobby. Other times, it looks like doing nothing at all.
In fact, Stroebe and Schut emphasized that even distraction, rest, or “numbing out” with TV for hours can be part of healthy restoration. These breaks give the mind and heart space to recover, regulate, and regain energy.
The Key Ingredient: Oscillation
Rather than staying in either loss or restoration mode, people move back and forth between them—sometimes over months, sometimes within the same day or even hour.
One morning you may feel capable and hopeful, ready to make plans or connect socially (restoration).
By afternoon, a memory, song, or photo may pull you right back into sadness (loss).
This back-and-forth is not a setback or instability—it’s a normal and adaptive rhythm of adjusting to loss.
Over time, most people find that:
They spend less time intensely in loss-oriented grief
The oscillations become less sudden or overwhelming
Restoration-oriented experiences gradually expand
Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it” or leaving someone behind—it means developing the capacity to carry grief alongside life, rather than instead of it.
Why This Model Matters
The Dual Process Model helps normalize a grief experience that many people secretly worry is “wrong.” It acknowledges that:
You can love and miss someone deeply and still laugh, enjoy moments, or build a vibrant life.
“Breaks” from grieving aren’t avoidance—they’re a sign of resilience.
Healing can feel contradictory, nonlinear, and unpredictable—and that’s healthy.
For anyone grieving, this model offers a compassionate reminder:
You don’t have to process everything at once. You’re allowed to breathe.
Understanding the Dual Process Model can ease guilt and confusion. It helps people make sense of why one day they feel strong enough to try something new, yet the next day can barely get out of bed. Both experiences are part of adaptive grieving.
Final Thought
Grief isn’t a problem to solve; it’s an experience to live through and grow around. The Dual Process Model honors the complexity of that process. It reminds us that healing is not about choosing between holding on or moving forward—it’s about learning how to do both.